Ouch!

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says “sorry do you know me?”
She replies “I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, “Christ!” he says “are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?”
“No” she replies, “I’m your sons’ English teacher.”

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Ouch!