Job application

Found this piece on OpenBC. If they actually hired this man, they did the right thing.

> _This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny._
> NAME: George Martin
> SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least, one who’ll cooperate)
> DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
> DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
> EDUCATION: Yes.
> LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
> PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I’m worth.
> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
> REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
> PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday,Tuesday and Thursday.
> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.
> DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job – no, on my breaks – no.
> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
> SIGN HERE: Sagittarius

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Job application